2010-01-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

COUNTING DOWN TO 2012

Pamela J. Tarchinski

Registered WGAw

FADE IN:

INT. KITCHEN

White dinner plates on cream painted knobby-knee
table boast mac ‘n cheese, roasted sausage -

PAMM

What would you do -

If really you knew -

That 20 one two -
As the Mayans predicted -

Would be...

The end?

Rick = silence. Pamm waits. Waits, waits.. . waits.

PAMM

A question was asked,
an answer is expected.

Ah, the suffering women put to their men -

RICK

I’m thinking!

Men. Women always got to get them started -

PAMM

I’d say thank you and GOODbye to

family and friends.

(uproariously)

And I’d push 92% of our neighbors

into the pond!

Sees a smile glimmer Rick,

knows the conversation is rollin’ -

PAMM

I’d fix up a small house,

I’d plant a garden,

put in an orchard.

RICK

An orchard! You think you’d get

fruit within two years?

Waves her hand, that isn’t what matters.

PAMM

Not like acres, more like

six or eight trees. An allee.

RICK

Would you espalier them

like you’ve always wanted?

PAMM

No. Not enough time to do that.

RICK

I’d re-visit all the places we’ve been...

California, South Dakota...

PAMM

Really!? I wouldn’t go anywhere

I’ve ever been.

RICK

Juarez.

PAMM

Ah, Juarez. I remember Juarez.

Hot sun, cool air, bright people

with a good sense of humor.

Tiny little green fruits

they call them lemons

but really they’re limes.

Sweet. Can’t visit Juarez anymore,

too dangerous. Drugs. Requiem for Juarez.

Moment of silence for mourning.

PAMM

Three days Paris,

three days Rome.

Cha-stun.
Ss-rimp 'n grits.

I think 'grout'
is the past tense of 'grits'.
'Least when I make 'em.

RICK

Run up our cards to the max!

PAMM

I’d rather pay off all our debts.

RICK

How else you gonna’ do it!?

It isn’t like the money

suddenly appears when

you want something. Especially if

there’s a clock on it.

Even though those guys on

Oprah say it does, it doesn’t.

(thinks)

It’s probably not a good idea

to let the banks hear

I’d run my credit cards up

to their limits.

Meditates -

RICK

Maybe it’d be a good time

to visit some holy places.

You know, make pilgrimages.

PAMM

Like where?

RICK

Well, Palenque. Machu Picchu,

Lhasa. Mecca, The Wailing Wall.

PAMM

I don’t think
we’re allowed there,

are we?

RICK

Ya’, I think we are,

as long as our heads

are covered.

PAMM

They put notes into The Wailing Wall.

What would your note say?

RICK

Hello.

PAMM

Hello means, “the God in me

recognizes the God in you”,

did you know that?

RICK

No.

PAMM

Not Disneyworld.

Both laugh ‘til they cry, thanking God!

PAMM

Four days for Lyon.

And that place Samantha Brown went to called Ez.

I mean, Ez. You have to visit a place that calls itself Ez.

(dawns)

I bet Ez-erians come to America

and get all excited when they see

we have EZ Marts but really,

they’re E-Z Marts which are like...

Sticks her tongue out, crosses her eyes, bobbles her head.

RICK

Would you bring home a French Poodle?

You’ve always wanted a Poodle.

PAMM

A GIANT French Poodle, maybe red, probably black.

I’d almost certainly name him Fleur. Flurrie!

RICK

France is going to make a bundle

off this 2012 deal.

PAMM

But no. It would take more

than a couple of years to train me

to train a dog so no, no giant Poodle.

(wistful)

Doggone it.

I would take in another cat, though.

Rick reaches for a dented book lying nearby.

PAMM

Samantha Brown went someplace in England

that looked tasty, too. Starts with a ‘C’...

RICK

Cornwall?

PAMM

Maybe. Guess we would have to run up the cards.

RICK

I suppose the noble thing

would be to continue on with life as usual.

PAMM

Whoopee.

Thumbs through the crinkling plastic-wrapped book.

Book's called, SWEETY PIES -

RICK

Forget France, forget Julia,

I’d bake my way through this woman’s cookbook

you found at the library.

Hey! She’s from Michigan!

PAMM

You’d run up our cards

and make us both fat.

I’d pay off all our debts,

skip rope and eat to
finally get myself down to 125.

How did we ever manage to stay married 37 years?

Slides the cookbook 'cross the tabletop to her -

RICK

Pick a pie, any pie and I’ll bake it for you.

Peruses pages -

PAMM

Mmm... tangerine meringue.

Rick gets up, leaves table,
hunts fridge and cupboards, gathers ingredients -

PAMM

Thirty seven years.

If it all really does end in twenty-twelve,

we won’t get to see 40.

Gee, that’s sad.

I think, if I had my druthers,

I’d spend more time
smooching your cute little ears.

She tackles him. The pair disappears from view -

FADE OUT.

THE END.

YOUR TURN!

What in the world would YOU do, between now and then?

Blog on and tell everyone!

(Scroll down, click on "comments", add your voice.)

Peace and lovebeads, fellow planet dwellers.

Counting Down to 2012